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Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Cheney's Got A Gun
Jon Stewart and the Daily Show took on the Cheney issue as only they can (click on "VP Firearms Mishap Analyst"):
Jon Stewart: "I'm joined now by our own vice-presidential firearms mishap
analyst, Rob Corddry. Rob, obviously a very unfortunate situation. How is the
vice president handling it?
Rob Corddry: "Jon, tonight the vice president is standing by his
decision to shoot Harry Wittington. According to the best intelligence
available, there were quail hidden in the brush. Everyone believed at the time
there were quail in the brush.
"And while the quail turned out to be a 78-year-old man, even knowing that
today, Mr. Cheney insists he still would have shot Mr. Whittington in the face.
He believes the world is a better place for his spreading buckshot throughout
the entire region of Mr. Whittington's face."
Jon Stewart: "But why, Rob? If he had known Mr. Whittington was not a bird,
why would he still have shot him?"
Rob Corddry: "Jon, in a post-9-11 world, the American people expect their
leaders to be decisive. To not have shot his friend in the face would have sent
a message to the quail that America is weak."
Jon Stewart: "That's horrible."
Rob Corddry: "Look, the mere fact that we're even talking about how the
vice president drives up with his rich friends in cars to shoot farm-raised
wingless quail-tards is letting the quail know 'how' we're hunting them. I'm
sure right now those birds are laughing at us in that little 'covey' of
theirs.
Jon Stewart: "I'm not sure birds can laugh, Rob."
Rob Corddry: "Well, whatever it is they do … coo .. they're cooing at us
right now, Jon, because here we are talking openly about our plans to hunt them.
Jig is up. Quails one, America zero.
Jon Stewart: "Okay, well, on a purely human level, is the vice president at
least sorry?"
Rob Corddry: "Jon, what difference does it make? The bullets are already in
this man's face. Let's move forward across party lines as a people … to get him
some sort of mask."
I guess it's also important to note that it was a good thing that Cheney got those five deferrments during Vietnam. God knows how many of our own men he would have taken out.
The bigger question, I think, is why did Cheney wait until 8 am the next morning before he met with the Sheriff? It wouldn't be because Mr. Two-Time DUIer VP needed to sleep off whatever he was drinking at the time? Indeed, when a cop arrived at the ranch that night, he was sent away and told that the VP was going to meet with the Sheriff the next morning.
It's certainly interesting that in the statement that the Sheriff put out on Monday he noted, somewhat gratuitously, that "The investigation reveals that there was no alcohol... involved in the incident." Oh, I'm sure that his "investigation" the NEXT MORNING was really able to pin down whether Cheney had been drinking the night before.
And before people dismiss this as wishful-thinking/liberal conspiracy, let's take a look at the initial report on MSNBC quoting Ms. Armstrong, the owner of the ranch, about the incident:
"There may be a beer or two in there," she said, "but remember not everyone inThat line was subsequently removed from the posting.
the party was shooting."
So I'll repeat again what I said previously: cover up, anyone?
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